Weed = something that isn’t where it belongs. Remember, there are people who cultivate dandelions for their greens (and maybe the flowers for wine?).
This is a Spirit Moxie definition (in Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference) that got me thinking about the use of words in general. But what really hooked me on the importance of vocabulary was when I started realizing the power of verbs and adverbs. Who do we say we are? How do we say we are?
Lately, for many, what we are has been in a battle against “bored, scared, and lonely.” If one of your words is “depressed,” honor it. It could very well be real information that should be addressed, although how to approach it is beyond the scope of this Conversation piece.
“Overwhelmed” is also a particular favorite. I’m not saying that any of these descriptions isn’t true. It is just that they are so common in our current world climate that if you are not claiming these emotions people think there’s something wrong with you. If your surroundings say you should be afraid, the fact that you are calm and at ease can be seen as a ruse and viewed with incredulity. Even people who are usually sensitive and insightful have told me I must feel stress; they were confused when I said I didn’t.
There are more insidious words that I think most of us use every day that contribute to the above feeling, such as: “I have to,” “I need to,” and “I should.” I have to do something about that. I need to go there or do that. I should….
Try eliminating those words from your vocabulary and see the difference it makes in your attitude and reactions. It’s hard. You may find yourself arguing with yourself. But honestly, there really isn’t anything we have to do. Seriously. Oh, there may be consequences if we don’t pay the bills, feed the family, or, in our house, walk the dogs. Going to work, either physically or virtually, is expected. Taxes are due. I think you should vote, but what I think really doesn’t count. And so forth.
These are the should and need scenarios that fill our life. So, try changing them. What do you want to do? I wanted to vote. I don’t always want to walk the dogs, but I do want them to be happy and healthy. I do want to keep my promises and contribute to the household where I live.
For there is how we keep promises. I have written about keeping your word. Our calendars hold schedules, appointments, etc. But I suggest that freedom comes in planning to do these things. And then seeing what happens. The perfect examples were the two airline tickets I had booked for trips in February and March 2020, both cancelled as COVID-19 spread through the world. Oh, you say, that’s different. But is it? What I had was a plan which is different from the event or thing itself. Now I have credit on Delta Airlines which I hope to use, but right now have no concrete plans to do so.
There is however one use of the word “should” I share all the time. So much for being consistent! It is one of my playing with time mantras. If I’m just being present (or just being), how do I get anything done? So often I ask, “What should I be doing now?” There’s that word “should.” But this is more of a check in with my mind and body. To what activity am I, as they say, leaning in? What, apparently, I should be doing now is typing, composing this Conversation. There’s a clue since I am doing it. It helps because I want to be doing it. So, it is a loose “should.” And sometimes I don’t do the “should” that answers that statement. (It really is comfortable on that couch.) Often, I’m already doing whatever. But at other times, it can be a nudge. “To where or to what am I being nudged” is a bit awkward, but can serve as a translation for “What should I be doing?” A nudge is much more inviting, less demanding.
A couple of days ago, I was asked to make sure someone was awake at a certain time. I had about two hours until then and wanted to run an errand. When sending a text letting them know, I found myself wordsmithing since, as someone who plays with time, I found myself unwilling to be definite about schedules. (Freeing, really, but that’s a different post.): “I’ll be back by…” – no. How could I really know that? The words I used were “I plan to be back by….” which were true. I did plan to be. And was.
So, I suggest you play with how you talk about your actions and see if those actions then feel more or less freeing. How does how you define things affect the bored, scared, and lonely parts of your day?
What changes when actions are not something you have to do or must do or, gasp, should do? Or even need to do. Rather what happens when they are things you want to do, plan to do, or are feeling a bit of a nudge towards doing?
And no. You don’t have to do any of this.
Thoughts? Your experience?
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Photos from the top:
Dandelion — Anders Sandberg
Dog walk — Spirit Moxie
Airport Sunrise — Amy Marsh