As we gathered for our final committee meeting, we mainly gave thanks for not having killed each other. It had been a long and frustrating process that, in the end, somehow worked out as had been hoped. So this meeting over food and wine still prompted me to ask, “For what are you thankful?” Besides gratitude that we had not killed each other, we were also thankful for the amazing fact that we were still talking to one another. In the two-plus years the project had lasted, one of us had learned to let go of his need to always be right, which he said was his cause of thanksgiving. Another had found a group where he really could voice his opinion. All of us were amazed that the members of the group were now friends, even after coming to know each other in almost embarrassing ways.  And there was, of course, our thankfulness that the project was over and the result looked promising. And it was enough.

There’s a trend on the Internet, maybe particularly on Facebook, to post a daily gratitude such as that a friend came to visit or a new office had opened. For Thanksgiving Day, 2013, Spirit Moxie asked people to list three things for which they were grateful. The responses included the love of a good woman, wonderful and patient friends, family, technology, and “the magical effects of yeast and grapes.” What’s interesting about this is that it has been shown that gratitude, giving thanks, can actually hard wire the brain to be more positive and more productive. Thanks makes our minds work more easily.

Why might this be true and what difference does it make? If you become positive in the present rather than feel happy only as a response to some event, such as a raise or a compliment, you are actually more productive and successful. In other words, it’s been proven that happiness leads to success rather than vice versa. When you are positive in the present, you are not dependent on events for your happiness. While the importance of gratitude is prevalent right now as a conversation, one way to see why this matters is by watching Shawn Achor’s TED talk,  which is one of the funniest and clearest defenses of how this works. According to his research you can rewire your brain through 21 days of two-minute exercises: thinking of three new things you’re grateful for or journaling for two minutes about one or exercising or meditating or sending a random positive email to someone. (No, you don’t need to do all every day. From what I read you just pick one a day, and they can be different ones.)

Happiness first, leading to a more effective life for us and, as a result, for those around us.

But what about just saying thank you? What about that automatic response when someone does something for us, hands us something, tells us something, or opens a door? The prod we give young children (“Say thank you!”) when someone gives them a candy bar or a dollar. The words most of us actually recognize in multiple languages. Gracias [Spanish]. Danke [German]. Merci [French]. ขอบคุณค่ะ kob khun ka [Thai]. [ASL]

Giving thanks. Saying thanks. Being thankful. I’d suggest that those simple words claim our interdependence. However much we’ve been trained to do it all for ourselves, “thank you” reminds us that lives are easier and more abundant because of those around us. “Thank you” tells others that we’ve noticed and, for that second, the world worked; the energy in it was changed a bit for the better. No, we don’t consciously think this every time, but it is the very automatic-ness of it that holds much of our day to day together.

So, the thank you note you did or didn’t write to Aunt Margaret, the thank you email the new rules say you should send after an interview, the text message sent after you got home from that special dinner (however ordinary it was), and the words to the kid who bags your groceries all matter. Plus there’s our gratitude for having groceries to bag, an aunt to write notes to, and for the Spirit Moxie “followers” who are reading this. “Thank you” is an easy way to begin with words and suddenly have our world work just a little better. Two minutes a day. For a lifetime or so. Report in. What are you thankful for and what difference have you seen?

Oh, and thank you!

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Photo credits from top:

Harvest fruit: California vineyards at harvest time – Damian Gadal
A good woman and friends – Bill Nienaber
Laptop and working lunch, © rcp:051010:a0021 – Rob Pearce